Have you thanked a manatee today?

I'm sending a package to my brother John Mark, who's in Baghdad (Army deployment). Along with some treats, not the least of which being beef jerky a la Alton Brown, I thought I'd make something a little special that he might get a kick out of (you don't know my brother).


As a kid, John Mark liked to create detailed blueprints for his ultimate dream home. Among the many features were: an entire wing constructed of television-and-Super-Nintendo walls, snackbars filled to the brim with Butterfingers and other treats, a centrally-pumped soda fountain that was plumbed to faucets in every room, and a Little Sister Intrusion Security System (specifically designed to keep me out. Guess I was a little pesky at the time.) 

Great as all that may sound, the crowning feature of this wondrous estate was even better. A large indoor/outdoor system of waterways constituted the living space for a modest collection of manatees (about six) who would lounge about the private beaches and make appearances at pizza and video-game parties which would be hosted at the homestead.

 If you think John Mark was going to live like a king, his lifestyle would be nothing compared with the luxury afforded to these seacows. They had, if I recall correctly, miles of water to swim in, ocean access, endless supplies of fish to eat and friends to play with, and their own underwater soda fountain. Really everything a water mammal could ask for.

Calling manatees his favorite creature on God's green earth would smack of understatement. You might even say he loved manatees the way he hated 7-year-old me: with unwavering fervor and commitment.

So, I hope he gets a laugh out of this poster, even if his commitment to not looking dumb in front of his Army buddies has now surpassed his love of manatees, and he decides not to give it a permanent place on his barracks' walls.

Of course, I am also including butterfingers in this care package.